Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
