guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
