Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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