She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
