In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize