I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
