when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
