Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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