dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
