Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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