No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
