His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
