Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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