Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
