I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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