i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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