ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize