ya dads aren't the best wingmen
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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