I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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