We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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