I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
