dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize