im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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