My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
