This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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