what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
