Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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