there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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