mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i wish my penis had a tongue
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize