Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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