He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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