Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
