i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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