just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize