i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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