yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
His nipple licking is glorious
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