A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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