Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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