worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
