saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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