he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
