Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
