no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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