im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
