We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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