life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
