fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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