Tell her she can't have a vagina
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
