i jhust puked up my retainher.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
