Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize