3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wanna bring you to show and tell
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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