There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
