we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
