Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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