the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize