I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
