i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
