based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
