one word: firstdatebathroomanal
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
