Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
