remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
