WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
