Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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