We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
