If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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