Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
