Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I stole a fireplace last night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
