why didn't you poke me back
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
