The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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