I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize