With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
