I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
