Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
