it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
