Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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