I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
