i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize