Don't make out with my wife yet
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
