I have demons in me.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
