So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
