Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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