I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
