Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize