is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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