More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
too bad you live with your parents still
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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