I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
