Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
