You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
