I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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