i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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