i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
