I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
