dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
