You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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