meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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