I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
