Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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