Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
