Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
