Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize