My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
