Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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